Got Accident for The First Time

I got my first accident this evening. I was braking to turn right. Then I felt pushed ahead, like in slow motion, and with my motorcycle I was falling to the left.

The first thing I thought after bumping the road was, "My laptop! Is my laptop okay?" After I took my bag, thank God it was okay, someone lifted me and helped me walk to the side road. He lifted up the motorcycle and told me to sit down. I didn't know what was going on.

People gathered. Some asked me if I was okay. A middle-aged woman gave me a cup of water. I didn't realize my hands trembling until I held the cup. Not very obvious, but enough to make me understand it was light and temporary PTSD.

The next thought coming to my mind was, "What happened? Did I do something wrong? Did I kill someone?" And then I saw a man around my age laying down the pedestrian. He looked injured in his legs. Someone gave him first aid. Not far from him, a motorcycle parked with broken lamps. In the road, I saw pieces of glasses schatered.

I still couldn't figure out what happened. Did the striking from before caused this? But I was okay, not a single scratch. Alright, maybe a 1 cm slit in my left hand, but didn't matter. The first funny thing was I thought about "I don't get injury. Is that make me the one to blame? But I gave sign long before I stopped to turn right." Now I understand that I'm no different with other people: always looking for self defense. How terrible.

In the end I was just sitting and contacted mother to come. Finally someone talked to me and explained what happened: a motorcycle stroke me and fell to the right side. And there was a car driving behind. No one knew who to blame. Some people told me that I wasn't in the wrong because they saw me stopped before crossing the half road and told me to leave.

I knew I should. But I couldn't. I thought leaving the scene was wrong. I didn't even know what to do in this kind of situation. I just thought that however I was involved so I needed to see how this ended. I was being naive.

Mother came. She looked very worried. I understood. A year ago father got an accident too. And Friday too. He passed away at 11 January. Today is 11 too. 11 March. It's silly, but, yeah...

Most of the people there knew my parents. They tried to help. The one drove the car said something funny to mother, "Don't worry, we're not in the wrong. My husband is a high rank soldier, he can handle this." I was laughing. Not because I felt rest assured, but the fact that everything seemed so easy if you had relative with high position in society. If being a wife or relative from a high position man in military could make someone lived easily, what about me or people without connection? The police laughed when he heard those words. Everyone could acknowledge to have relative in military, but I thought he decided to let it slide. The police told us to fix this ourselves. They took their hand out after giving some question that I thought funny too.

I don't understand myself. I just got an accident but I was like enjoying that. First accident. First being asked by police. First time negotiate remuneration. First time in many things.

The only thing I can't take it funny is the expression my mother had when rushing to the scene. My mistake that mother needed to have that face. I reminded her of the loss. I can't imagine how panic she was after receiving my message. For that and the trouble handling the case, I'm really sorry.